Dear God for a Dog

Dear God: Here is a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog:

1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats it or after he throws it up.


2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.


3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.


4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.


5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.


6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.


7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.


8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.


9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.


10. I will not come in from outside, and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.


11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room, and lick my crotch.


12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy', so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.